List of Four

stolen from Amy's blog ...

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. office supervisor
2. bookseller
3. barista
4. waitress

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. "Amelie"
2. "Persuasion"
3. "Sliding Doors"
4. "Napoleon Dynamite"

Four books I could read over & over:

1. Persuasion
2. Pride & Prejudice
3. anything by Agatha Christie
4. Little Women

Four places I have lived:

1. Fredericksburg, Virginia
2. Richmond, Virginia
3. Stafford, Virginia
4. East Hartford, Connecticut

Four TV shows I like to watch:

1. "Lost"
2. "Jeopardy!"
3. "Oprah"
4. "The Waltons"

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. the Caribbean
2. Germany
3. Rome
4. New York

Four web sites I visit daily:

1. Griddlers
2. Amazon
3. ebay
4. Loganberry Books

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Jonathan's Banana Pancakes
2. coffee
3. General Tso's Chicken
4. chips and dip

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Rome
2. the beach
3. the bathtub
4. in bed

getting older

On Saturday, I will turn 31 years old. My thirtieth year has been one of the best years of my life. I know women are supposed to dread turning 30 and that some remain 29 for years, but I was very excited about turning the big 3-0. I was at such a wonderful place in my life, married to a wonderful man--and a mother at last!

So much of my 20s were so painful and I spent so much time soul-searching... I think life is like this: you spend your 20s trying to figure out what path your life will follow. You experiment with some self-destructive behavior and date some very "unique" personalities looking for a good fit. When you enter your 30s, you finally know who you really are, and you're ready to nurture that person. You work out just what exactly you feel about God and where you fit into the world. You decide to take better care of the poor body you abused so much in your 20s. Maybe that means you cut out all illegal habits, maybe that means you eat better and start to really exercise. You realize that, for better or for worse, this is the body you're stuck with, so you'd better take care of it. Likewise, you realize that your family is the family you are stuck with, so you'd better get along with them, too! You call your parents more and you try to be more patient with them. God knows they've been patient with you for the past 30 years!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I am having the best day! Well, it started out a little crappy. Blue woke up at 7 am (she usually sleeps until 8 or so) and when I went into her room to get her, she was standing there in her crib completely naked. She has a very naughty habit of taking off her jammies and her diaper sometimes in the night. At least her diaper was only a wet one, because sometimes this is a very messy little scenario. So I gave my wet, stinky little cupid a bath and we went downstairs.

For Valentine's Day, Jonathan gave me the new Weezer CD! I just love Weezer! I just love Jonathan! He's so good to me! He will be getting home late tonight (Tuesdays are his day in the office) so we are ordering take-out for dinner. I can't wait. I just love General Tso's Chicken!


So Blue and I went to my doctor's appointment with the new Weezer CD blasting (she sang along) and my appointment went great.

This was my last appointment before the c-section. I can't believe in seven days I will finally meet my son. "My son." It sounds so strange to me. It's funny. You always wonder what your children will look like, be like, be interested in... Soon I will know. I know with Blue I pictured a bald baby with dark eyes. Probably because Jonathan and I were both bald babies. And then she had so much hair when she was born it was ridiculous. She even had hair on her back and on the tips of her ears! So now I am picturing another hairy baby, so watch him be bald... But I wonder if his hair will be dark like Jonathan's and mine, or light brown like Blue's? Will he have my eyes or Jonathan's? Will he be tall like Blue? Will he cry as much as she did? Will he be as good a sleeper as she is? Man, I hope so!

I am just so happy right at this moment. The only dark spots on my heart today are 1) the constant nagging fear that something will go wrong with the baby and 2) sadness for Andrea because she and Danny have broken up. But the fears about the baby are not nearly as strong as last time, because now I've gotten through a pregnancy to the end and had a healthy baby. And my sadness for Dree is not too overwhelming, because she has been so strong. But I know today must be a difficult day for her, so she has been on my mind even more than usual. It's just so hard to be so far away from her. I feel very removed from the situation since I only met Danny once, so it's hard for me to know what to say that could be helpful. I am thankful that she has such amazing friends around her in New York and that her mom and dad are so wonderfully supportive, but I still wish I could help somehow, too...

Dree, if you read this: I LOVE YOU!

I stop writing the poem

to fold the clothes. No matter who lives
or who dies, I'm still a woman.
I'll always have plenty to do.
I bring the arms of his shirt
together. Nothing can stop
our tenderness. I'll get back
to the poem. I'll get back to being
a woman. But for now
there's a shirt, a giant shirt
in my hands, and somewhere a small girl
standing next to her mother
watching to see how it's done.

Tess Gallagher

Snow, Beautiful Snow!

We finally got a decent amount of snow late last night. I think the grand total was 5 inches. Blue got to wear the snowsuit that Jonathan's mom got her and we got some cute pictures of her eating snow.

It's so strange. There are moments you always imagine experiencing with your children, like trimming the Christmas tree, going to the zoo, playing in the snow... and then one day, there you are, watching your child play in the snow and you think, "I'm here. I'm in the moment." And you try to savor every second of it.

a 3 Haagen-Dazs day

I just put Bluebird to bed. Her room is right above the office and I can hear her up there. The worrisome thing is that she just keeps saying "Uh-oh" over and over again. I'm assuming she either tossed her blanket out of the crib and wants it back (too bad!) or she is just babbling to herself. Either way, I'm done for the night. It isn't even 8 pm and I'm ready for bed.

I'm starting to feel like I have been pregnant for ever. I can't even remember the last time I got really drunk. That will be a goal for after the baby is born. To go out and get really wasted. And since it's been so long since I've had a drink, it'll probably only take one to knock my ass out.

That'll be goal number 2. Goal number 1 is to lose the baby weight as fast as I possibly can. I was so proud of myself for losing it all last time, and then it seems like as soon as I did, I found out I was pregnant again! Don't get me wrong, I love my Bluebird and I can't wait to meet this baby, but I am very ready to feel like myself again. I miss being able to perch on the edge of the kitchen counter, getting in and out of the car without groaning, sitting Indian-style, climbing the stairs without getting out of breath, sitting on Jonathan's lap... I feel like such a blob! I don't know why I get so humongous when I am pregnant! Okay, yeah I do--I had 3 Haagen-Dazs bars today!--but still... I love being a mom, but that doesn't mean I want to look like one. Unless it's Angelina Jolie. I wouldn't mind looking like her!

I just had to laugh... Jonathan has the Onion's desk calendar, and the headline for today is "Winner Didn't Even Know It Was Pie-Eating Contest." How funny. How me.

Pregnancy Statistics

Food Cravings:
(last pregnancy) Mexican food, root beer, crushed pineapple
(current pregnancy) Wawa coffee, chocolate, crushed ice

Musical Cravings:
Elvis Costello and The White Stripes
Barry Manilow and The Carpenters

TV Cravings:
"The Waltons"
"Lost"

Literary Cravings:
Mary Stewart, P.D. James, Ruth Rendell
biographies and poetry

Total Weight Gain:
75 pounds
50 pounds (so far...)

Most Ghastly Side Effect:
nausea and swollen feet
acne and swollen feet

Daily Uniform:
black tank top, khaki capri pants, Birkenstocks
black long-sleeved top, jeans, black boots

Where to Find Me:
lying in the recliner with my feet up
Target

Total Number of Baby Showers:
3
1

Total Number of Pedicures:
4
0

I'm baaaaack

I didn't think I would ever write in here again, but I had lunch with Amy today, and she said she had posted a comment on my blog, and I was like, "Oh, yeah, I have a blog!" so here I am. My c-section is 13 days away. We are getting really, really excited now. This whole pregnancy has flown by so quickly. Much more quickly than last time. I think because I'm not puking my guts out this time around.

I've been feeling so sad about Bluebird. I won't have as much time for her now. She's so much fun to hang out with. I'm worried that she'll be jealous and upset when we come home with the baby. She's just so little (still a baby herself) and there will be so many changes in her life...

She follows me all around the house and always wants to be doing whatever I'm doing--whether I'm talking on the phone or loading the dishwasher or even just blowing my nose, which I've been doing a lot lately due to my damn allergies. Sometimes I get frustrated. Like when I'm in the bathroom trying to pee and she's knocking on the door the whole time. But most of the time I love it. How flattering is it to watch her mimic me all the time? Did I follow my mom around like this, too, at some point, and want to be just like her? It makes me sad to know that one day Blue will find my behavior unacceptable, that I will embarrass her, that she will make a conscious effort to be nothing like me. It makes me wish I was nicer to my mother.