size matters

I am determined to lose 35 pounds by April 1st. No foolin'. Jonathan and I are going to London then and I want to look fabulous.*

Wish me luck. I don't know what has happened to me. When Jonathan and I met, I was very thin. I had been skinny my whole life. I think it was after my brief first pregnancy that my metabolism just came to a screeching, frightening halt. I've had my thyroid tested, and unfortunately there is absolutely nothing wrong with it that I can blame my excess weight on. It is just all the junkfood and couchwarming that is conspiring against me, I guess.

It sucks, too, because when I was so thin, it was not at all in vogue. Not like now. I guess I am destined to be out of fashion! This was before anyone had even heard of Kate Moss. I was called every stupid nickname in the book in high school: Olive Oyl, Twiggy, Toothpicks, Spaghetti Legs, Chicken Legs ... there were lots of derogatory names about my legs. I remember looking at all of the normal-looking cheerleader types in my high school who were so popular and confident and thinking, Oh, well, I will be skinny at our reunion and you probably won't, so there! But that didn't happen. What happened was they all looked pretty much the same. Damn.

But I keep thinking, at least I was thin once. So I know I can get there again, right? Have I mentioned this theory before on this blog??? Sooooo my goals:

1. to eat less
2. to exercise when possible
3. to pray for a miracle

*I don't just want to look better for our trip, either, but I want to be healthier and set a good example for Lion and Blue. That is something I really need to work on. I think I am a pretty good mom, all things considered. They are relatively clean and well-fed and I read to them and all. And if I do yell at them I apologize to them afterwards. And I think I don't tend to freak out over the silly, little kid things that they do from time to time (for example, when Blue flings poo around her room like she did Friday night). But I need to feel better in my own skin, so that Blue doesn't grow up hearing me denying compliments or putting myself down all the time.