ranting

Jonny and I went to Friendly's the other night with the toddlers; I had worked up quite an appetite pushing the lawn mower around the yard!

We had the worst waitress ever. She was this older Russian woman. We were seriously there for hours. Trying to keep the babies entertained. What an ordeal. I think if you are eating out with small children, your server should put a rush on your order to get you fed and get you the hell outta there before your children get rowdy.

We ordered and then about 20 minutes later, the waitress brought the kids' dinners. I asked (very politely) if we could get our beverages, and the waitress looked at me like I was being a nuisance and said, "Ya, ya, I bring them when I bring your food."

After about five more minutes, she brought our dinners. Without our drinks.

We watched her taking orders and collecting her tip from the table across from ours, and then after about 10 more minutes, she brought our drinks.

Did she apologize for the delay? No. She set the glasses down and I said, "Oh, thank you! I am so thirsty!"

"Ya, you know, sometimes it happens this way," she told me and disappeared.

Now I worked in many different restaurants. I know that this doesn't just happen. You, the server, either bring the customers their drink order, or you don't.

But still. I have waited tables and let me tell you, it is hard work. I think everyone should have to wait tables for at least one summer of their lives, so that they realize how hard it is and so they cut their waiters and waitresses some slack when they are eating out. I was a lousy waitress. It was very humbling. I consider myself fairly intelligent and I think I have a very good memory. But I just could not get waiting tables. I was a mess. I would be running around, writing notes for myself, muttering, Table four needs a fork, table six wants another round of drinks, bring table eight their check, table four needs a fork, table six wants ... something and what was that other thing?????


I was a complete mess. Pathetic. Those women waiting tables at Denny's, chomping gum and joking around with you as they pour your coffee? Do not be fooled. It is not as easy as they make it look. It is a real talent.

So our horrible waitress in Friendly's? We left her a nice tip. I am such a sucker. I can't help it. I have a soft spot for terrible waitresses.

But I think I am on to something here. Maybe I should start a petition that every citizen must serve his or her community by waiting tables for 6 months upon turning eighteen. What else? Maybe have everyone work retail too.

Maybe if everyone worked retail, they would know all of the rules of etiquette associated with shopping.

1. Do not talk on your cell phone while paying for your purchase. It is rude.
2. Do not call the employee by name just because you can read their name tag. People, it is condescending.
3. If the cashier is having trouble getting your item to scan at the register, do not jokingly say, "Oh! It must be free!"
4. If for some reason you are still writing checks, for God's sake stop. Get a check card! If you absolutely must write a check because you are one of those loonytunes who told me that the government is tracking your check card purchases to see what books you are buying in the interest of National Security, please at least have your checkbook out and ready to go when you approach the register. I hated when people would come up to the register after waiting in line and with a line still behind them, wait for me to ring up their entire purchase and then pull out their check book and begin s-l-o-w-l-y w-r-i-t-i-n-g t-h-e-i-r c-h-e-c-k. Where am I? Borders? How do you spell that?