life or death

I am so tired this morning. I had this horrible dream last night and now I feel like I didn't get any sleep last night.

Since I became pregnant with the Lion, I have these horrible "Sophie's Choice" kind of dreams. Where I'll be in the car with the toodlers and we have gone crashing down some creepy embankment and now the car is in a lake or something and it is rapidly filling with water and I know I only have time to unfasten one carseat and can only save one child. I never do make a choice, because I always wake up completely freaked out before anything else happens, but jeez...

I remember having a dream like that just after Lion was born and I remember telling Jonathan If that ever happens, I think I would save Blue. Because Lion is only like a week old and wouldn't even know what was going on, but Blue is almost two, and she would be looking at me and screaming, "Mommy!" and can you imagine the look on her little face if I grabbed the baby and left her in the car?! Which probably sounds horrible and if Lion ever reads that one day, he'll be all screwed up and thinking I love his sister more than him. But in my exhausted, postpartum mind it made sense.

Anyway, now I have two cognizant toodlers who I dream about having to rescue from various bizarre life-or-death situations. Last night we were all stuck in some crazy Hollywood-style tornado. But at least Jonathan was there with me last night, so we each grabbed onto one toodler and held on for dear life.