gratitude

I put the kids to bed last night. Wait, that's not true. Let me begin again.

Jonathan put the kids to bed last night. He usually does. And then I usually go in a little later to say goodnight to them and give them hugs and kisses and then I usually check on them a few more times before I go to bed.

I went into the kids' rooms last night to say goodnight to them and give them hugs and kisses.

I said goodnight to Blue first. She burrowed under her covers and when I told her how snug she looked she decided she needed even more covers to look even more snug. So we covered her with her red baby blanket that my friend, Susan, from Borders, made for her before she was even born. And then we covered her with her Winnie-the-Pooh fleece blanket that her cousin, Emily, made for her. Blue giggled happily when I told her how snug she looked under all of those blankets. Then I checked on Lion.

Lion was a bit overly-tired. When he gets a bit overly-tired he gets a bit overly-clingy. He did a whiny little baby voice, stuck out his bottom lip and told me he didn't want to be all alone in his room. He wanted me to stay with him. I told him I was tired and that I would be right down the hall in my room, reading, if he needed anything. And that our doors would be open so I would be able to hear him. That seemed to comfort him. He finally released me from his clutches and I left.

I peeked in Blue's room again as I was leaving Lion's. (I can't help myself. I am addicted to their faces.) She was rubbing her eyes with her fists. So I asked her if she wanted her nightlight turned off. This is a fairly new thing with Blue. Sometimes we turn off her Disney Princess nightlight because it is too bright and we leave the hall light on for her instead. She tries so hard to be a big girl.

She told me to turn it off so I did. I turned the hall light on and then she told me, "You can turn that off, too." I smiled at her and told her I would leave it on, but that I would come turn it off after she fell asleep. She tries so hard to be a big girl, but I know her limits.

I went to my room and curled up with my book. What the Dead Know by Laura Lippman. It was very good and soon I was completely engrossed in the story. I have no idea how much time passed when suddenly Lion came into my room. "Mommy," he announced, climbing up on my bed, "you know why I came in here? Dun dun duuuuuun ..." (Lion is always providing his own soundtrack.) "I came in here to get you a hug. Because I love you and I want to get you a hug. So you will know for ever and ever that I love you." We hugged and I tried not to cry at the unbearable sweetness that is my son. He kissed my shoulder while I had my arms around him. Then he climbed down and went back to his room, blowing me kisses and telling me to catch them and put them in my heart. I did and I felt like my heart would burst into a million pieces, it was so full of his kisses.

I decided if I had to describe my Lion in one word it would be loving. He is so cuddly and kissy and huggy. He is always telling Jonathan and I how much he loves us, how we are his best friends... He has always been this way.


Then I thought, what one word would I use to describe my Blue? And the first word that popped into my head last night was brave. I pictured her little face, her tousled hair, as she told me to turn off the hall light. She is so brave. She always has been. Much braver than me. My Blue has always loved going down the tallest slides, swinging on swings as high as she can go, the thrill of playing hide-and-seek with Daddy--her favorite part being the moment when he jumps out of his hiding place and yells "boo!"