number nine

Jonathan and I drove with the kids up to the adoption agency today to drop off some paperwork. And the lady at the agency told us that we are now number nine on the list to be matched to a child. Nine! As in single digits. I am ... I don't even know what I am ... speechless, I guess.

Jonathan is handling this whole waiting period much more gracefully than I am. Which is funny, since he is usually the one who loves timelines and plans. I am a little more go-with-the-flow, I think. Maybe not. Because this whole up-in-the-air business of waiting is driving me crazy. It is starting to remind me a little of the days before I got pregnant with Blue. Did I say days? Ha! More like months and months. And I became a crazy woman. I was just like this big, foaming, starving mouth attached to two empty arms over a hollow uterus. That is what I was, and it was not pretty. I am not near that desperate place. But this unknowing reminds me of the journey into that place and it sucks.

Jonathan says it will happen when it happens, it will happen when the time is right, God has a plan and all of the other absolutely right things he said to me then. But I still feel frustrated.

I hate waiting. But I know he will be worth the wait.

Sigh. Which reminds me of that freakin' Michael Buble song. "I Just Haven't Met You Yet." Every time it comes on the radio, I sing along at the top of my lungs and then I get a lump in my throat and I sound like a frog and I tear up. Especially when he sings the second verse, which is:

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

Gets me every time.