toodler update

Blue is loving preschool. She has lots of little friends in the class. And her teacher is amazing. I know I was a bit wary in the beginning due to the potty-training note, but I seriously love that woman now. She is the perfect preschool teacher. Always smiley. Always hugging and kissing the children. Just an awesome, awesome woman.  Blue loves her.

They had a little Halloween parade at the school and next week they are having lunch with the 4 year old class. The 3 year olds are going to be the Pilgrims and the 4 year olds are going to be Indians. So freakin' cute. I signed up to bring 20 Thanksgiving cookies. Which is perfect because I just bought a little turkey cookie cutter.

Jonathan complains sometimes because it seems like the school is constantly asking us to bring in food or party plates or to dress the children in a certain color or something. But I love it. I really do. I don't mind baking fun stuff for the class. And this is the time when kids like having their parents come to their school. You know, before they begin to pretend like they don't know who you are.

The funny thing is Jonathan is the one who really enjoys helping out at the school! I am just much more shy than he is, and he loves to be silly and make the kids laugh. He stayed for the Halloween party at her school while I went home to put the Lion down for his nap. Jonathan manned the ring toss. He had a blast. I would have been miserable. I prefer to be more behind-the-scenes, sending Blue to school with cookies or making sure her shirt is the "color of the day."

The Lion is talking like crazy. He learns new words every day. Jonathan and I will look at each other in amazement, wondering where he is picking these things up. Like, the other day he said dinosaur. It's awful, but I think we were much more involved with Blue, actively trying to teach her new words and concepts. We've slacked off a bit with the Lion, but he just picks them up on his own. Yes, sirree, folks, that tv is a great educator! He speaks in sentences. He'll say "Ank you, Mommy!" or "I don't want it." Although sometimes it's just "Daddyunununununmilk" and that's his way of asking for milk, but in a sentence form.

He is such an emotional guy. He'll be so happy one minute and then screaming with rage and then crying and reaching for me and then blissfully happy again.

I feel like I parent them very differently. Which really bothers me. I don't want to mold them into specific kinds of people due to their birth order, but I think maybe as a parent it is inevitable. We let Lion be a baby much more than Blue was ever allowed to. He is older now than she was when she became a big sister, and I think we were probably a lot harder on her, telling her to be quiet around him and more careful. Sometimes I look at her little face and I feel so terrible, like we put pressure on her to act older than she is, that we expect too much from her because she is the older child and because she also looks so much older than she is.

And I know we are doing the best we can. And that we are not bad parents. That guilt goes hand in hand with motherhood.

But I still wish I could do better. Treat them both in exactly the same way. Which means what exactly? Expect more from the Lion and ease up on Blue? I don't know. I'm just doing the best I can and feeling guilty like it isn't enough somehow. I know, I know, welcome to parenthood. But it still sucks.