Old Vagina Book Club

is meeting at my house tonight to discuss David Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty One Day. And, um, I have only read about half of the book. I like it a lot, but I just have had no time to read. At all. And since I am babysitting Sam Davenport all day today I mos' def will not get a chance to read today. So, oops, is all I have to say about that.

another day, another $500 dollars...

I borrowed George and Leila's truck today and made another trip to Ikea. I picked up the bed for Lion and a mattress and a desk/table for Jonathan since our desk will be waaaaaaay too big for the apartment and I also got a bookcase for Blue's room. Am I finished? I think so. Are we broke? I think so.

And I did a rotten thing. I had a Wawa coffee cup in my hand, a full 16 ounce Wawa coffee cup, in my hand in Ikea (can you tell where I'm going with this?) and, oh, yeah, I dropped it. I dropped it and spilled coffee all over the floor by the rugs display. And stared blinking at the floor in confusion. So then, I picked up the coffee cup, which had about an ounce of coffee left in it, and set it in my cart and tracked down an Ikea employee and told them what I had done and waited by my mess for this young girl to come out of the stockroom with a mop and bucket.

Embarrassing, right? But it gets better. Twenty minutes later, the cup that I had put in my cart and forgotten to throw away fell over and I spilled the remainder of my coffee all over the floor by the potted plants. And what did I do? Yes, that's right, I ran. I set my now empty cup on the nearest shelf and I fled the scene. Isn't that terrible? But I was so mortified and I just couldn't bear to face that poor young girl with the mop again. Because I just knew that they would send out the same girl. I just knew it, so I ran...

our new digs

Jonathan found us a 3-bedroom apartment in an amazing complex just outside of Denver, in Aurora.  It sounds very nice--lots of amenities, including a heated pool. And it is very close to Cherry Creek State Park, so we'll be able to go hiking and camping a lot. And horseback riding! Which I think would be so much fun to do with the kids. Maybe for Blue's birthday... There's also an elementary school within walking distance so if we stay put for more than a year, the Lion and Mabel and I can walk Blue to school.

Call me crazy, but I love the idea of downsizing. I must be crazy to want to move from this roomy house into an apartment with two small children and a puppy! But I like the idea of having less things--of having to have less things because we would have no space for them. My current favorite book, Apartment Therapy, shows real people's homes and most of them are really small. One homeowner said something about having fewer belongings means every thing you do own has to have real value. Or something like that...

I went shopping with the kids today and we picked out a bunch of new activity books for the backpacks they are bringing on the airplane. And I bought Lion a big stuffed clownfish in Target, just because. He's been carrying Nemo around all day, telling me to "feel his tail" because "it's so soft." He made some old dude in Marshalls feel Nemo's tail, and the guy was such a good sport I could have kissed him.

Tonight, I put Lion to bed first after their bath and then Blue and by the time I came out of Blue's room, Lion was in bed with Nemo, telling him, "We're going to Colorado. We going on a plane."

predictions from 1993

I was going through a box of papers in my closet looking for the kids' birth certificates and I found these 2 little slips of paper from the summer of 1993. Andrea and I had just exchanged yearbooks and we decided to try and predict where we will both be in 5 years. Which would have been what? 1998 and I had to laugh at how much we each thought the other would accomplish in just 5 years! But they are pretty neat. Here they are:

Where Andrea will be in 5 years...

Andrea will be dancing in some company but we will still be in touch and very close although we won't see each other often. She will still be beautiful and lithe and exactly the same.

She will not be married -- yet, don't despair, Dree -- but she will be in love w/ some awesome guy who will put Scott Rochon to shame & who is either a dancer or an actor. Or her choreographer. (Someone who has the kind of job where one would expect him to be gay, but he isn't.) He's older than her by about 2 or 3 years and treats her like a queen...

I only see her once a year but she always calls and writes and sends cute messages in the mail.

She will be married eventually, just not yet, okay?

--Erin

and then Andrea wrote:

Where Erin Roth will be in 5 years?

I predict that Erin will be living in Fredericksburg or somewhere in Virginia with a husband. She will be teaching English, perhaps at North Stafford, and she will be one of those teachers that students adore and come back to visit. Erin will possibly have a child. If not, one will be on the way soon. In her spare time she will continue to write poetry and stories. I think Erin will write a masterpiece, but this might be later in her life.

When she has kids, Erin will be a wonderful mom. I can imagine her singing her children to sleep just like she used to sing in the Drama Department's Girls' Bathroom.

ERIN WILL ALWAYS HAVE MANY CATS! (like that isn't obvious)

highs and lows

The high for today was the locating and applying for a really nice apartment in Aurora, Colorado, just outside of Denver.

The low for today was the news that our tenants will not be renting our house next month because they are approved for a mortgage so they are buying a house instead.

The high for tonight is calling a second prospective tenant we had turned away last month (because we had already found tenants) and finding out she is still looking for a place to rent and is still in love with our house... I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

ABC meme

A. Attached or Single- attached

B. Best Friend(s)- Jonathan and Andrea

C. Cake or Pie- yes, please!

D. Day of Choice- Christmas Day

E. Essential Item- a large cup of coffee in the morning

F. Flavor of Ice Cream- Breyers Fried Ice Cream

G. Gummy Bears or Worms- neither

H. Hometown- Fredericksburg, Virginia

I. Indulgences- sleeping in, reading a book, taking a hot bath

J. January or July- January

K. Kids- Bluebird and Little Lion Man

L. Last movie I saw in a theater- Iron Man

(M is Missing in Action)

N. Number of siblings- 2 brothers, 1 step-sister and 2 step-brothers

O. Oranges or Apples- apples, preferably in a pie

P. Phobias or Fears- the dark

Q. Quote- "The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid." Jane Austen

R. Reasons to smile- Jonathan, Blue and Lion

S. Season- Autumn

T. Tag 4- Olivia, Katherine, Adrienne and Roxanna (and Andrea -- that's 5)

U. Unknown fact about me- when I was a kid, I had a hamster named Clark Gable, his eye fell out one day and then he died

V. Vegetarian or oppressor of Animals- I eat meat, sometimes

W. Worst Habit- pulling out my eyelashes when I am stressed

X. X-rays or Ultrasounds- ultrasound

Y. Your favorite Food- currently that would have to be Lucky Charms

Z. Zodiac- Aquarius

for you, Adrienne

Check out this fabulous toilet seat cover from Urban Outfitters:

Yeah, I thought you'd like it.

I'm a Charlotte

I took the quiz that Grumpy Editor mentioned on her blog and apparently I am a Charlotte. I have only ever seen 2 or 3 episodes of Sex & the City and those were on TBS so I don't even know if that counts. So I don't know if being a Charlotte is a good thing or not, but she's pretty, even though she has a lazy eye.

Charlotte types are classical beauties that don't often fall for trendy makeup looks or hair styles du jour. You're not a huge fan of changing your beauty looks and you prefer neutral makeup (my guess is that you're probably a Bobbi Brown lover). You keep your hair the same length, color and style because it's versatile and timeless.

Here's the quiz.

Dump Cake

20 ounces crushed pineapple
16 ounces cherry pie filling
1 package yellow cake mix, dry
1 1/2 sticks butter, sliced or melted

Dump all ingredients into baking pan and bake at 350 until brown, approximately 1 hour.
Serve warm with ice cream.

moving

I just had a visit from a rep for the moving company and we set up our moving date as June 20th.

I felt like I was doing so well, packing up a storm and really weeding through all of our belongings. But after walking through the entire house from top to bottom with Mary Katherine I am exhausted by all of the work still to be done. She told me we are doing great and that once I can get all of the stuff I have decided not to bring out of the house, I will feel a lot better. So today I am going to make some trips to the salvation army.

We have always moved ourselves, since we have always just moved from place to place in this same town, so the idea of being out there in Denver, sipping some coffee and just pointing to where I want the movers to put things is very bewitching.

definitely going

I bought 3 one-way tickets to Denver last night for me and the kids. We fly out on June 24. It is really happening. Jonathan got the transfer and he will leave around the 16th of June with Mabel.

Happiness is...

...scarfing down a vegetarian burrito at Chipotle while listening to Elvis Costello

...buying this pillow at Pier1
...eating a kingsize Whatchamacallit all by myself

...seeing my babies after a day by myself, hearing them scream "Mommy!" and watching them come running to give me hugs

Mary

I love shopping online. I call it shopping but I really rarely ever buy anything. So I guess what I mean to say is I love looking online.

Olivia and Katherine and Adrienne are always saying I should find someone to hire me to be their personal shopper. Sigh. Maybe I'll find some rich, lazy/housebound person in Denver to shop for...

Anyway, it seems to me lately that every time I'm online I keep seeing cute things that I think Jonathan's sister, Mary, would like. And I keep bookmarking them, intending to email her the links later and I never get around to it. So here, without further ado, are a bunch of random online finds that I think Mary would enjoy:

this necklace

this little brown hat

which would look cute with this jacket:

this awesome pocket knife pillow

this cute little owl lamp

these funny denture-shaped ice cubes!

this birdseed sack pillow

these cute little snail notecards

this bird's egg vase

these fabulous green and white chairs

and lastly, this adorable top from Anthropologie

what to do ... what to do

I am dropping the children off at Jonathan's mom's house this morning around 11 so they can hang out with her for the day. Which gives me an entire day all to myself. (I'm not counting Mabel because she sleeps a lot during the day.)

So that gives me several hours to get things done for the move. The moving company is sending a rep out here Thurday to give us an estimate, so I really want to have the basement all packed and sorted so it is more evident which things are coming with us and which are staying here. Which I've started and all that, but it's still such a mess down there that I would probably seriously have to walk around touching everything saying, "This is coming ... this is staying ... this is coming ... this is staying ..." so I want everything grouped into 2 separate and distinct areas.

Fun, right?

I also need to finish painting upstairs. When I painted the downstairs and the upstairs hallway, I never somehow got around to lugging out our ladder and setting it up on the stairs and painting all the way up the staircase to the ceiling. So if you look up while walking down the stairs, it looks sort of like modern art. At least that's what I've been telling myself for the past several months. A ridiculously long time for me to have been avoiding this chore, but have I mentioned I hate ladders? And the very idea of standing on one that is propped up on a long staircase is a thing that makes me go hmmmm...

So right there are 2 things I should do today.

But.

Buuuuuuuut.

It is a dark, rainy day. And I will have the day All. To. Myself.

And there are several things, way more tempting things, I could do instead. Like go into non-stroller, non-child friendly stores, like Pier1 or Ulta or the supercool little bookstores downtown, and sip a (free!) Wawa coffee and look around me at all of the pretty, pretty things. This scenario is very bewitching.

I also have about a bazillion episodes of Cold Case on the DVR that I could sit back and watch. With Mabel.

I could give myself a pedicure.

I could shave my legs. Above the knees.

So I will probably take a mental health day today. I'm not gonna lie to you. I've been just a little stressed out lately.

• Biting my nails? Check.
• Grinding my teeth? Check.
• Pulling out my eyelashes? Check.
• Pimples at age 33? Check.
• Creepy nightmares about all of my teeth falling out of my head? Check.

enough about my foot

This one is a great big shout-out to my awesome brother-in-law, Trevor, for posting some kickass pictures of my kids and my puppy on his site! Here is some of the awesomeness:

who on earth is this fat girl on my couch?

oh, that's right, it's me

Aunt Mary tried so hard to get them all to sit still!

Jonathan feeling the love as he puts the Lion down for a nap!

I don't want to lose a foot

an email I received tonight from Lesley:

GO TO THE DOCTOR... seriously girl... I've had a poisonous spider bite and if not treated right away, it can literally kill your tissue and it won't go back. Not to make you nervous, but seriously... it can also kill you eventually if it reaches your heart... it can be very serious and can take a couple days to do the nasty work, so GO TO THE DOCTOR.

WARNING!

Do not ever, under any circumstances, search the google for images of spider bites. Blecccchhhhhh. Snake bite images are okay, but not spider bite. Trust me. Don't do it.

I should stay indoors and read

I think I was bitten by a snake on Saturday while I was helping Jonathan get rid of the woodpile in the backyard.

He thinks maybe I was bitten by a spider.

But what kind of spider leaves 2 holes exactly an inch apart? Wouldn't that mean I was bitten twice? And I only felt pain once.

I was such a dumbass. I deserved to be bitten by a snake. I was out there in ankle-deep wet leaves, picking my way deeper and deeper into the woodpile and what was I wearing? Flip-flops. Flip-flops and shorts. Yeah, that's right. I am hardcore.

So all of a sudden I felt this horrible pain and I picked up my right foot and my instep was all bloody. So if it was a snake, I didn't see it because I was freaked out by all the blood gushing out of my foot. I brushed some of the blood away to see if I had a nail sticking out of my foot or something but I didn't see anything but blood so I tried to shrug it off and keep working. Jonathan gets so torn up whenever he works outside and he never complains whereas I will stub my toe and burst into tears and go inside and put ice on it. I am a wimp. And a major complainer.

I tried not to complain Saturday, and was hoping Jonny was impressed by my fortitude because I was stoically collecting wood with blood all over my foot.

Yesterday the area was all red and swollen. I am still limping a bit.

I'm trying to take a picture of it but the pictures keep coming out blurry and I never realized how ugly my feet are! So I may or may not post one. But, the thing is, if these marks were on Jonathan's foot, it would totally be classified as a snake biting incident and there would be no discussion. Sigh.

the day with a truck in it

Yesterday was a very busy day.

We were fortunate enough to have access to Roxanna and Tim's pickup truck for the day. So we made good use of it! (Thanks, guys.)

Jonathan rented a huge woodchipper from the local hardware store so we could finally get rid of the barricade we were building in the backyard. Sorry. That was my attempt at a Les Mis joke. When you have the rare opportunity to make a Les Mis joke, you just take it.

Anyway, this woodpile was insanely big. Jonathan (with occasional help from me) had cleared a looooooot of our woods out. I knew this. But when you are out there picking up every discarded branch one at a time, you appreciate it on a completely physical level.

It took several hours to feed all the wood through the chipper. But it is finally gone and Blue and Lion's playground has lots of new mulch and the backyard looks so much better. And no one got seriously hurt.

I was supposed to go to a bridal shower for Elizabeth yesterday but we were just too busy with the woodchipper for me to go. I justified my absence by telling myself at least we will be here for the wedding in June (it's the weekend just before we leave) and I can just drop her shower gift off with their wedding present.

So after chipping up the wood and after Jonathan used the truck to haul the woodchipper back to the hardware store, I drove the truck up to Woodbridge to go to Ikea. Which was exhausting. I only had an hour to find what we wanted and to somehow load it onto a handcart by myself. Because Olivia was babysitting for us at 7 (thank you, Olivia!) so Jonny and I could go out on one of our last dates for probably a very long time, since we will know no one in Colorado and therefore have no babysitters.

So I raced through Ikea, pricing items and I chose
this bookcase for some of my books. Jonathan built me a beautiful wall of bookcases in our office so I didn't have any bookcases to bring with us.

I picked out this bed for Lion
He doesn't sleep in a crib anymore and I figured why not get him a bed at Ikea since it is so cheap (this bed is only $99) and we can just move it still in its box and put it together out there. FYI, there is no Ikea in the state of Colorado.

I also got him a chest of drawers
and a bookcase
which is a nice one because it can be vertical or horizontal.

So I wrote all these item numbers down and ran to the warehouse area to load my cart and was totally pissed off to discover no courteous male shoppers in all of Ikea willing to give me a hand. Not a single one. They all just watched me sweating and struggling by myself. Nice.

I was also pissed because the bed I had chosen was out of stock. I debated getting it in a different finish but then I realized the box the bed comes in is pretty compact and looks like I can cram it into my car so I can just go back to Ikea another day and actually take my time and really shop which is good since there is no Ikea in the state of Colorado.

I made it home and ran into the bathroom to change into clean clothes and by the time I came out, Olivia had arrived to babysit. Jonny had already fed the kids their dinner so we put them into bed, waved goodbye to Olivia and went to see Iron Man.



Seriously. Awesome. Movie.

and the reason is...

We are moving to Colorado.

At least, we are 95% sure we are moving to Colorado.

Jonathan is getting transferred. At least, he is 95% sure he is getting transferred.


That is why I am hardly ever blogging lately.

Because I am super busy. We are renting out our house next month and moving to the south Denver area of Colorado by June 21st. So I just have so much to do to get ready and then preschool is wrapping up this month as well as ballet so Blue has been very busy with social engagements and she has a little recital next month before we go.

It's no secret that Jonny and I have been eager to leave Virginia. Just to have a change of scenery. But for him it is something much more. For him it is needing to live near his office and not have such a seriously long commute every day. The cost of living is much lower out there so hopefully we can find a nice rental home for less than our mortgage here and Jonathan will have a short commute so he'll be home with me and the kids more and we'll have a whole new state to explore!

It's funny, though. We've talked about leaving for so long, but now that it is almost happening, I am wondering what on earth we are doing! I ran into George outside of Marshalls this weekend when I was out with the kids and afterwards I could have cried. I won't know anyone out there! I will not ever be standing outside of a store and see a familiar face. Much less a familiar familiar face, as in my very own brother...

Preschool Mother's Day Tea

worst camera ever?

The Lion and Grandma
(removed at Grandma's request)

Blue and her BFF, Adrianna

Happy Mother's Day

grow (8x12 print by mixed media artist kellyrae)

twister

There was a tornado that passed through the front of our neighborhood Thursday night. Luckily it missed all the houses, but a bunch of trees were torn down and/or uprooted.

I was over at Olivia and Katherine's that night watching PS I Love You and Jonathan called to tell me not to drive home yet because there was a tornado warning in effect for the next half hour. We were all like, "Seriously?!" and checked the news and sure enough, there was a tornado warning! So we ran outside to see the lightning and then debated where the safest place in their building would be. Olivia suggested we all try to cram into their coat closet but they keep Mr. K's box in there and I was like, "No way do I want to die in a litterbox!"

I was supposed to drive Stephanie home but I am such a chickenshit I was terrified to drive. I am a pretty crummy driver even under the best of circumstances. I mean, how can you even see a tornado in the dark? I could drive right up into a big old funnelcloud and have no idea... Plus, to make matters even scarier, my cell phone had died, so I wouldn't even be able to make a good-bye phone call...

So Katherine drove Stephanie home, after they followed me into my neighborhood to make sure I made it home alive. (Little did I know I was driving them into the path of a tornado. Oops.)

So I made it home safely. J and I watched the local weather on the news until we lost our satellite signal. So then we went to bed, but I was seriously freaked out. I mean, there were just tornadoes in Virginia a few days ago. So it happens, you know? And we are surrounded by huge trees on all sides. And without our satellite (and then we lost electricity so we were also without a radio) how would we even know to go into the basement? J fell right asleep but I couldn't. The rain and wind was just too loud and I was way too anxious. Blue woke up in the night crying because her nightlight was out, so I went in there to be with her for a while.

In the morning, people kept calling and emailing to check on us (thanks for that, everybody, by the way) and we were a little confused. We were like, "Um, we're fine, thanks. How are you?" And then we turned on the morning news. They mentioned the road outside of our subdivision so we turned the tv way up and yelled at the kids to be quiet and tried to figure out where the news crews were filming. They were in front of our subdivision, but because all we saw on the screen were fallen trees and some asphalt we couldn't figure out where they were! I remember Jonathan saying, "Must be some other road with the same name up in Stafford or something" before we turned off the tv to take Blue to preschool.

And then we realized how close we had been to the action. And why everyone had been calling us.

Oh, my God, people. That's all we could both say for several minutes.  Oh, my God.

The storm went through the front of our neighborhood! The trees that line the front of our subdivision were torn out of the ground. The businesses beside our neighborhood suffered substantial damage. My friend Heather's mom and dad live in the next neighborhood over and a tree fell on their house!

I feel so incredibly lucky that our house, as well as the other homes in our neighborhood, were spared. I mean, without power, and not normally being in a tornado watch, how are we supposed to know it is even happening?! That is what scares me the most. That and the fact that the storm traveled literally right down the road I had driven home on at 11:30.

sad, but true

Since I was about thirteen years old, I have had braces on my bottom teeth. Just across the front. Two brackets on my "fangs" and then a wire running between them along the inside of my teeth.

They aren't supposed to be there or anything. I mean, there's no reason for them. They don't hold my teeth in place or anything. They're just there.

They were left there after my orthodontist took all of my other braces off, but then my parents split up and our lives became really hectic and my orthodontist was like an hour away and blahblahblah and somehow or other I just never was taken back to the orthodontist to have these last few braces removed.

Anyway, the bracket on the left has been coming loose all week. And this morning it broke off. So then I had to take the other bracket off. Which was quite a struggle, involving me sitting up on the bathroom countertop with my feet in the sink and a screwdriver in my mouth. But it came out. And none of my teeth came out with it.

So now I have no braces!

And now I am kicking myself for not having taken them out 20 years ago! But who knew it would be so easy?!

Anyway, I didn't tell Jonny I did this. And I waited all evening for him to notice my newly naked teeth. And waited. And waited. And. Waited...

He didn't notice.

So finally I showed him and he was very excited. (Because for nine years now he has been saying, "I'll bet you could just take those off yourself.")

I pouted and told him I had been waiting all evening for him to notice.

He laughed and said, "Girl, your bottom lip is so big it would've taken me years to notice your teeth!"

fun with fonts, if you're into that sort of thing

I love fonts. I totally do. I am such a geek. When I worked at this local stationery shop, the Write Touch, I was always so disappointed by how many people always chose the same fonts over and over again for their invitations and notecards. I mean, come on! Live a little, people. Express yourself.

Anyway, so I just took The Rather Difficult Font Game. And I did ridiculously well.

Also, this blog, I [heart] Papyrus is awesome. Sadly, Papyrus was one of the fonts people chose to use over and over again on their invitations and notecards. Sigh.

yay me!

I just won $101.50 in free gas from our local radio station, B101.5!


I went to the mall with Kathy Davenport to grab some lunch and watch our kids play together in the little indoor play park there and these women from the radio were handing out scratch cards. I handed mine to Kathy while I was dealing with getting the kids' shoes off and letting the Lion out of the stroller and she scratched my card for me and was like, "You won!" And so I took the card and still was trying to keep an eye on the kids as they ran into the play park. "What did I win?" She wasn't sure either so I went back over to the ladies and it turns out I won a WaWa gift card for $101.50!

I know. Jonathan said the same thing. "No spending it all on coffee!"

They took a picture of me holding up my giftcard. I wonder if it will be posted on their website.

happy birthday

Adrienne!

On this beautiful day, the first of May, my dear friend Dark Fury was born!