01 March 2006

Sad Baby, Sick Baby

Wow! What a week... I am recuperating from my c-section. Slowly. It's hard because I feel like I am constantly asking Jonathan to do things for me. And it's very, very hard to not hold Blue. I am not allowed to lift her for 6 weeks, and she can't sit on my lap yet because of my incision.

She has been having a little trouble adjusting. And it's not the new baby that is the problem--it's me. Which is something I didn't really consider before. I thought she would have issues with jealousy, but so far she just points at Lion and says "baby."

I knew she would miss me while I was in the hospital, but I didn't really think it would have such an effect on her. When we first came home, she ignored me. She wouldn't look at me or talk to me or anything. That broke my heart. She is my little buddy. We are together almost all day every day. It must have been very confusing for her to not have me around. I know she loves her grandparents and her Aunt Mary, but still... I'm sure she wondered where on earth I was. I have just always been around.

She is starting to come around, though. She is looking at me, and she is talking to me now, but she is still much quieter than before and she is not eating as much, and she is verrrrry crabby. I think it is upsetting her that I haven't held her, and yet she sees me holding the baby.

Jonathan has been amazing with her. He is so tired--not just from a general lack of sleep, but from helping me get around and from getting up in the night with the Lion and from taking care of Blue without any real help from me. And Blue has been a real pill sometimes! But he is so patient with her--really wonderful. I know he is not always the most patient man (what an understatement!) but he has not lost his cool with her yet. He plays with her and makes her laugh, gently admonishes her when she misbehaves, reads with her, fixes all of her meals for her, gives her baths (and gets completely soaked!), holds her up to my face to "give Mommy a kiss." And these are things he does all the time, but normally I take care of her for the majority of the day. I mean, since we came home with Lion, she has been hitting a lot--she even hit him in the face earlier today--and he still hasn't lost his cool! I am so impressed. I don't know if I could be as patient.

He says he just feels sorry for her, and that he understands how she feels because he must have felt the same way when Mary was born. My poor girl... it kills me that I can't pick her up! She fell and hit her head yesterday, and I could hug her, but I'm sure it hurt her feelings that I didn't pick her up and comfort her like I usually do.

Tomorrow I am going to really make an effort to spend time with her, just the two of us. No matter how tired I am, and no matter how swollen my feet and legs are. And I am going to be the one to read her her Goodnight Moon book at bedtime even though I can't lift her to help brush her teeth or put her in her crib.

The Lion is doing much better, on the other hand. He had jaundice. I've never thought jaundice was a big deal--Blue had it and my niece and nephew both had it, too. But his number was pretty high. I never knew how serious that is. (Severe jaundice can cause hearing loss and brain damage!) At first we were afraid he would have to stay in the hospital. But he was allowed to come home--we just had to keep him wrapped up in this special "bilirubin blanket" that glowed bright blue with ultra violet light. It was such a pain, keeping him next to the electrical outlet, plugging and unplugging him every time we took him out of his crib to change his diaper, but he had to be on it for at least 20 hours a day. It was very scary, though, because he was so yellow and the whites of his eyes were even bright yellow. He had lost almost a pound at the hospital and he wouldn't eat. We had to set the alarm for every 2 hours and force-feed him. But he looks much better now, and he doesn't have to be wrapped in the blanket anymore. And the best part is he has gained back almost all of the weight he lost. He wakes us up now at night, every 3 hours or so, and he eats 2 ounces at each feeding. It's funny, I used to pray he would sleep through the night very early on like Blue did, but now I'm just so happy to see him alert and eating, that I really don't mind being up in the night. And Jonathan and I have some really awesome conversations around 4 in the morning! It's nice.

We have been getting along so well. Man! Last time around, we fought all the time--I think I even threatened to go stay with my mom for a while! And I was being so horrible I'm surprised he didn't pack my bags for me! But this time has been great. He even told me, "This may sound crazy, but this has been one of the best weeks of my life."

He has been so amazing with the Lion. He was the one who decided we should set the alarm to feed him, and he calculated just how much we should try to get him to eat at each feeding. He kept track of how much Lion ate and when, and how many wet and dirty diapers he had and when--the pediatrician was very impressed. And now Lion is doing so well! Someday he'll be eating us out of house and home, and I'll tell him all about how he wouldn't eat when he was a baby, and how his father nursed him back to health. And he'll probably say, "yeah, yeah, I know. You've told me this story a thousand times!"


Amy said...

We had to do the bili blanket with Maggie, too--not fun. Tomorrow I have to go get Jake's foot pricked to see if he has jaundice. I was hoping that he would escape it! Hope your healing goes quickly. You're lucky to have such a great guy in Jonathan.

Christina said...

Sorry about this stress :( It sounds like you guys are handling it like troopers!