03 March 2010

say what?

I had a physical yesterday. For the adoption, Jonathan and I need to get some forms signed by our doctor saying we are healthy enough to be parents. So I was sitting there, having blood drawn, and I told the woman taking my blood that we are adopting.

"Oh! From the United States of America?" she asked me.

I just smiled and said, "No, from South Korea. We are getting a baby boy and we are so excited blahblahblah ..." but inside I was thinking, What the hell? Why on earth would you ask me that? So than I asked her is she has any children. She told me she doesn't. I felt like saying, "Then why don't you adopt from the United States of America?"

I am just wondering if I am being too sensitive. Maybe reading all of those books on adoption has put me on the lookout for insensitive comments. But seriously. Seriously. Why would she have felt the need to say the United States of America? Like I wouldn't know which United States she was talking about?

All of the books I've read about international adoption are full of horror stories about people telling total strangers that they should have adopted domestically. That there are "plenty of children in this country who need good homes" or some crap like that. I told myself that people really aren't that awful. No one would actually say that to someone. Right? Not in this day and age... Right?

But maybe they do. Maybe this one strange comment from this woman drawing my blood is like me dipping my toe into the waters of rude people who will feel free to give me their two cents on my life. Maybe she didn't mean anything by it. I know I can be sensitive, but I also don't think I am an idiot, and I think she did mean something by it.

It is certainly a wake up call to me. I am so excited to have another son that I am just bursting to talk about it! I want the world to know. But maybe not everyone will be happy for me. And that is hard for me to wrap my head around.


Anonymous said...

My poor sensitive girl. The reality is: a lot of people suck. Especially ignorant people (and unfortunately there are a whole lot of those folks around.)

But there's no need to let those people bring you down. One of my very first friends gave me some good advice when we were kids and some bully was picking on him after school. He said that he doesn't get mad at what someone says unless it's actually true. I think that's a good way to deal with anyone who startles or angers you by saying something uncouth. Ask yourself if what she is saying is true. If it is, feel free to get pissed off. If not, think of her for what she really is- an idiot.

Grumpy Editor said...

I used to wonder why people adopted outside of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, then someone told me that domestic adoptions are much more expensive than international adoptions. So, Maude forbid, someone is rude enough to make some comment to you, then you can whip out some facts and say, "Well, I want to have a son by the time I'm 50 and I don't want to spend $10,000 on it, so I'm going with a South Korean son in two years and $2,000." Or however much it costs. Because some people (like me) might not understand. And if the person still is rude, then just kick 'em in the shins and run away.

girlysmack said...

Thanks, guys. I like the kick 'em in the shins and run plan. :)

Anonymous said...

Erin, I love the comment you were advised to say - "Why do you ask?" Is that true about domestic adoptions costing more?

Getting more excited by the day to have that new grandchild! Does the adoption agency regularly update you on where you stand on the list???


girlysmack said...

I am not sure if there used to be a cost difference, but now they run about the same...

We go to a training class later this month so I will turn in some more paperwork and ask them what number we are now? I can't wait, either! :D

Anonymous said...

Erin, dear,

Back in 1975 following a miscarriage, someone tried to console me by saying, 'Did you plan this pregnancy?'. I was shocked and offended until I realized that generations and demographics play into how people perceive and respond to issues outside their own universe. Forgive this woman, pray for her and then FORGET about it (that's the hard part). Unfortunately, there will be many, many people living life not possessing a beautiful, enlightened heart such as yours. Just know that our wee GrandBaby will be surrounded with so much love, he too will become an enlightened and loving man! A good thing for the United States of America! S&Sxo

Wink said...

Was she from the U.Ss? I have a friend (from Portugal), who always says "United States of America", the phrase in its entirety. Always. She says it's because that's how they learned it in school. ?

Anonymous said...

Apparently I am in the minority here but......I'll say it. You are being way too sensitive.
Why on earth would you give a rat's ass about what a total stranger thinks? Seriously.
You guys will love your child. Period. You are not bringing him home so that the rest of society can give you a high-five, right? So why care about what they think?


Kelli said...

i will lovingly say that you are being too sensitive as well. i know it's not the same issue, but living overseas has forced me to not take what people say to heart. here, it's a cultural issue, but people are very open with their opinions, especially about how you are raising your children, and i have to remember to not let it bother me. i am able to shrug it off most of the time, and i hope you are able to as well. people have their opinions, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what they think. and i'm sure you are going to hear it a lot. try not to get angry and remember that most people do have the best of intentions. how you treat and respond to people is going to be an example for your children, especially for the little boy you adopt... because i'm sure you will hear a lot when he is around as well. sorry to go on... sending all of my love as you go through this very trying process! my prayers are with you and your family. :)

Anonymous said...

This encounter with that nurse turned into a blessing! After reading the responses you've received, I can say without ANY doubt, you and your friends/families TRULY LOVE YOU! We have your back xo, honey!
S xo

Jenn M said...

I'm with Leila on this one.. who cares. You will fall in love with that baby boy.. whether he is "American" Korean, Polish or any other race or ethnicity!
A lot of people have this idea that we are "taking away" from the kids in the US if we don't adopt from "America" .. its similar to the same approach people take on.. "why are we spending so much time over in Afghanistan .. when we need help here" .. people don't realize that we have it made in America.. so this woman is just naive to the real world.. no worries :)