I am a girl. With girl hair.

I blew dry my hair yesterday for the first time in a verrrrrrry loooooong time, and Jonathan fell in love with me all over again. He could not stop staring at my hair and sighing. Thank you, Katherine, for your hair styling tips. They rocked, because every now and then yesterday Jonathan would forget how fabulous my hair looked, and he would be talking and then he would glance over at me and the full force of my hair would hit him and his voice would trail off into nothingness and he would just smile vacantly. Seriously. I am not exaggerating.

I woke up this morning, and the first thing he said to me was, "God, your hair still looks good even after you slept on it all night!"

apfelkuchen

The DWAFS are meeting tonight at Kris K's house. The theme this month is Oktoberfest, so I have no idea what film Kris K has managed to dig up, but knowing her penchant for obscure foreign films, I'm sure it's not going to be Run, Lola, Run. (Which we have already watched, thank you very much.)

I am making a recipe that I copied from Jonathan's Tante Inge while standing in her little kitchen in Stuttgart, watching her bake one while we were visiting them 5 years ago. It is her apple cake and it is going to kick some serious ass! Seriously. My kitchen smells so fantastic right now that I have a sad sneaking suspicion that the apfelkuchen will arrive at Kris K's with a piece already cut out of it. I am going to have to taste it first, people, to make sure it is as freakin' delicious as it smells!

from the onion

Stoner Regales Friends With Tale Of This One Bong He Saw In Iowa City Once

MINNEAPOLIS-Area stoner Mike Cudahy, his eyes a deep red from five years of near-continuous recreational marijuana use, regaled friends and neighbors Tuesday with half-remembered tales of this one amazing bong he saw in Iowa City once.

I was here first!

Olivia and Katherine and Adrienne were over Monday night to watch a movie. I was wearing this olllldddd Gap shirt that I've had for years. It's just a tshirt with navy and white horizontal stripes. Anyone who has known me for the past 12 years will probably be thinking, "Oh, that shirt."

Anyway, Olivia told me she liked my shirt and then laughed at me and said, "It's very emo."

I told her, "I was emo before there was even a word emo."

I am not emo. I have never really been anything except nerdy. And a wannabe. When I was in school, waaaay back in the day, there was no emo, of course. I don't even think there was really goth back then. There were the usual popular kids, jocks, stoners, and geeks and then we had band geeks, skaters, metal heads, and dramees. I desperately wanted to be a dramee. I think. I think I would have loved to be popular too. Anyway, I wasn't really anything. I think my family didn't have the money to support the complete wardrobe overhaul that joining any of these castes would have required.

But I think if there were an emo back then, that would have been me. Definitely. Not that I'm even sure what emo means, being 32 years old and all, but I think the fact that I dyed my hair black in high school and wrote lots of bad poetry and cried all the time and liked the Cure and all would have been emo. Right?

But the thing that most struck me about what I said to Olivia is that I think I really just like to think of myself as a trailblazer. Haha. Which I know I am most definitely not. But I like to think I am anyway.

I don't like to be on the tail-end of fads. I like that I have been watching "Lost" since the very first episode. And I think that's why I am not watching "The Sopranos" now with Jonny on A&E. I feel like I missed the boat on that one. I mean, that is soooo 10 years ago, right? Even though it looks like an awesome show and I would probably really like it if I watched it.

I tend to like a band at first and then get annoyed when everyone else starts liking them, too, like Where have you been all this time?

Which probably means I didn't really like the band that much in the first place, but whatever.

And anyone who knows me is probably thinking, Um, Erin? You are so out of touch, though, sweetie... You don't know the newest music or even watch the newest shows... And your sense of fashion is ... um, old.

I know this. But it's the little things. Things like buying the CD "Thriller" a few years ago at Best Buy and playing it a lot at work and people made fun of me until everyone realized what a kickass CD it is and started buying it, too. Like the fact that I have been wearing Converse for years now and they are popular again and I am annoyed that they are now so much more expensive than they were before. Which is probably just inflation, but still. It bugs me. And all these silly patterns they come in now. Please... And naming my daughter something a little old-fasioned and then getting privately annoyed when I hear of any other little girl with the same name.

And the fact that I have had a crush on Patrick Dempsey for years.


Since this movie:

And I am happy he is so successful and McDreamy and all that, of course I am, but now he is one of People magazine's Most Beautiful People and people are all like, "Oh, my God, I love him!" and I'm thinking Well, where were you all these years when he was playing minor roles in movies like "With Honors" or "Sweet Home Alabama"? Where were you during the lean years?!?!

this time I mean it!

My house.

Thursday.
Be on time.
No talking.

from the onion

Google Launches 'The Google' For Older Adults

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The popular search engine Google announced plans Friday to launch a new site, TheGoogle.com, to appeal to older adults not...

what a difference a year makes!

Cake

Blue loves Cake. The band.


We were in the car today and the song "Let Me Go" was on and Blue was like, "Is this Cake?"

I said, startled (Jonathan must have told her it was Cake), "Yes, it is Cake."

She said, "I love Cake."

What the... ? Is she not 3 years old? What happened to the Wiggles?

toodler update

It occurs to me that I haven't said anything about preschool except for mentioning that awful note from Blue's teacher the first week.

We spoke with her teacher about potty training and told her that we are working on it, and Blue is actually almost completely potty trained now! I think being in school and seeing all of the other children use the potty has made her want to use the potty too. So she uses the potty during the day and wears a regular diaper at night and is extremely proud of herself!

It is amazing to me how grown up she is. I think preschool has been so good for her. She seems a little calmer, a little nicer to Lion. And this potty training has been an amazing change. I can't imagine how much money we'll save when the Lion is out of diapers too. But a small part of me, a very crazy part that hears voices and talks to itself, will miss buying diapers. I just love having babies in the house. (I know! I said it was a crazy part of me, didn't I?)

The other night, we had a fire in our firepit and we sat outside with Blue and Olivia came over. Blue just loves Olivia. We were sitting out there, toasting marshmallows and drinking wine (Blue had apple juice) and finally it was rather late and I told Blue it was time for bed. She looked at me for a moment and then said, "No. I'm talking to Olivia" and turned away from me to talk to her. I had to laugh. She is very crafty. And she looked like a tiny woman, sitting there in the firelight with her little knees tucked up under her chin.

I tuck her in at night and just as I am shutting her door, she says, "Wait! Wait! Mommy I forgot something!" I ask her what she forgot and she says, Um, I forgot ... to read another story ... or ... to have some water ... or the one that I always have to cave in to now that we are in training ... to go potty. Are all children born with this skill? Is this some kind of residual survival mechanism? I love it.

Meanwhile, the Lion has entered that Godawful No! phase. This morning, I went in to his room to get him:

Mommy: Good morning, little man!
Lion: No!
Mommy: How's my boy?
Lion: No!
Mommy: Do you want to come downstairs?
Lion: No!
Mommy: Come on, baby, let's go downstairs...
Lion: No!
Mommy: Do you want to stay in here?
Lion: No!

and so on and so forth ad infinitum...

I know what you're thinking, Mister Man!!!!!

Tonight the Biggest Loser Fredericksburg is meeting at my house for the first time. I have been pigging out all weekend in preparation for the weigh-in. Is that cheating? I really am making myself ill, which will make eating less and eating more healthy much easier. Olivia's mother is coming tonight. She asked Olivia if she should bring a pizza or something to the meeting. Olivia told her, "It's not the Last Supper!"

I don't really have that much weight to lose. Probably about 20 pounds or so. But isn't that last 10 or 20 pounds supposed to be the hardest to lose? So this challenge should be very good for me. Jonathan told me once he thinks people like me are the most frustrating to observe. He said if you see someone who is very overweight you may think to yourself, They must be so discouraged. They've probably tried everything. Not to mention it takes a lot of guts to march into the gym and work out if you are extremely overweight. But someone like me, who only needs to lose a little bit, he looks at and thinks, You lazy bum! Why don't you get off of your butt and lose those last 10 pounds? It wouldn't take much time or effort to get your ass in shape! (I am putting rather harsh words in his mouth, but that I am paraphrasing what he told me.)

I told him I can see his point, but if I do see someone who is very overweight working out, I am so proud of them! I saw a woman at the gym who was very overweight and she was walking on the treadmill, and I had to fight the urge to run over to her and give her a hug and say, "Good for you! Way to go!" But of course I didn't. He says he feels that way about everyone in the gym, which I took to mean he would be very proud of his wife if she would get off her butt and go to the gym. I take everything he says as a hint that I should go to the gym, actually. Whether he means to hint or not, I think it is a constant outgoing prayer generating from our house: Please, God, make my wife give a crap about her body. Make her go to the gym. Keep her from getting fat. From letting herself go. From wearing those same old t-shirts and jeans day in and day out. Sometimes I think I see it,this prayer, in a big cartoonlike conversation balloon over his head, floating out of our house and up into the sky.

Come to think of it, maybe this prayer is coming from every husband, everywhere...

ups and downs

The Lion was getting into the cabinet under the sink, handing me the Clorox Anywhere spray and telling me, "Hereyougo!" So ...

I close the cabinet firmly: "Lion, do you want some pancakes?"

(He is so heartbreakingly easily distracted, that kid!)

He toddles over to the fridge and chants: "Pakins! Pakins! Pakins!" excitedly.

I open the freezer and pull out the frozen pancakes.

The Lion throws up his arms and cheers: "Yay! Yaaaaaay! Pakins! Pakins! Pakins!" and then he adds a grateful, solemn: "Ank yoooooooo."

I tear open the packet of pancakes, and all 3 frozen pancakes fall off of the kitchen island and onto the kitchen floor, where they roll around.

The Lion says: "Oh, no!" and stares in confusion at these runaway solid discs that do not resemble his soft, mushy, chopped up, syrup drenched breakfast.

I laugh and think to myself, 3-second rule, and chase down the wayward pancakes. I put them on a plate and pop them in the microwave.

The Lion sees the microwave door close and starts to cry. "Pakins! Pakins!" he wails sadly, dramatically stretching out his fat little arms towards the microwave.

I give him his sippy cup of milk and he is instantly cheered. "Nyuk! [Milk!] Nyuk! Nyuk! Yaaaaaaay!"

It can be exhausting paddling along with Lion on his tides of emotion.

I could go on, describing his excitement at getting into his booster seat, his contentment seeing his pancakes delivered, his frustration with his fork, his utter despair when I provide a different fork, his anger as he throws the new fork on the floor, his bliss at mastering his fork on the very next try, his sheer joy as he eats his pancakes quickly and silently, his shock at finishing the pancakes followed by tears, his instant joy when I produce a box of raisins ... but you get the picture, I'm sure.

For now I drink my coffee and watch my son eat his raisins. God, I am so in love with this boy...

Nooooooooooooo

Grey's Anatomy isn't returning until the 27th! I am so disappointed I could cry. And I apologize for getting Adrienne all excited ...

Damn.

one day left until

the Grey's Anatomy season premiere!


I am so excited! I feel like a have a blind date tomorrow night or something. I am very nervous that the show has jumped the shark.

I am going to miss the character of Preston Burke. He may have been a complete asshole in real life, but I really liked his character and the relationship between him and Yang. And I am also really going to miss Dr. Montgomery, too, and I have a feeling her spin-off show is going to bomb. I wasn't very impressed with its intro last spring. But we'll see... Maybe all of these new interns swarming around will liven things up. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

One positive note: it appears they have finally figured out how to style George O'Malley's hair after three seasons of various crappy hairdos.

I also would like to add that my husband enjoys this show almost as much as I do, and I just found the perfect t-shirt for him:

Intervention

I bought 2 new shirts yesterday. Olivia made me try them on. She is very convincing, really. We had gone shopping because she said she wanted to price some things for her apartment, but now I am wondering if this was merely a ruse to bring me clothes shopping...

I am starting to think there is some kind of conspiracy in place to change my image. Haha, just typing that makes me smile. "My image" consists of jeans and a black t-shirt. Or sometimes, when it is super hot outside, a skirt and a white t-shirt.

Call me paranoid, but hear me out at least.

Jonny has been on my case for years. When we met, I'll admit I dressed a bit better. I had a part-time job at Express, so I could afford cute clothes. Not to mention I was considerably younger and thinner and shopping for clothes was fun.

But when I started working at Borders 10 years ago, jeans and sneakers were acceptable work attire. In fact, they were really the only work attire suitable for burrowing in the dusty stockroom for elusive titles and occasionally climbing up and down library ladders on the sales floor.

I decided that jeans and a t-shirt looked pretty good on me.

I buy my t-shirts in mostly black, brown and white. They just go with my skirts and my jeans. And, as I was telling Olivia, I sometimes wear the same shirt 2 days in a row (I know, I know, ewwww) (bite me) and if I have on some bright red t-shirt and I go out to get the mail, my neighbors would be like, "Wait a second! Wasn't she wearing a bright red shirt yesterday?" and then they would be on to me. This way my clothes are so unremarkable no one will notice if I wear them 2 days in a row. Olivia was struck speechless by this.

To illustrate how pathetic my wardrobe is, a true story:

One day, on vacation, Jonny and I went off for a day together and left the toodlers with his parents. I wore my skirt and a navy blue t-shirt. All day, Jonathan was complimenting my shirt: I can't get over how good you look ... That is such a great shirt ... Why don't you wear that shirt more often? ... You look so awesome in that color ... We finally both realized, it wasn't that I look so great in navy blue, it was that he must just be so sick and tired of seeing me in black, white and brown day in and day out (since I wear these shirts to bed, too). And how pathetic is that? And how pathetic that the so-colorful shirt in question is navy blue? I mean, I obviously thought it would blend in with all of my black and brown shirts. Or it appeared black in the store and I bought it by mistake.

Olivia told me, "You really have to get out of the mindset of dressing so casually because of the kids." And I told her, "You're right, you know. It's not like they throw up on me anymore or anything."

So she made me try on tons of shirts and I broke down and bought two of them. True, they are black, but they are still supercute, and I did try on some colorful ones.

And Jonathan is so thrilled. He has told me over and over again, "I will never get mad at you for spending money on clothes for yourself. Ever." And he is always asking me, "Why don't you go shopping with Roxanna - or one of the DWAFS?" So he was thrilled, thrilled with my new shirts! "My wife bought girl clothes!"

Now Olivia is planning an Intervention. She wants to go through my closet and figure out what I need to complete an actual wardrobe. Um, Olivia, let me just say I am not exaggerating when I say that I have about 15 items of clothing. That my "wardrobe" is pathetic. That I seriously need help.

Scattergories

I found this on a random blog and since I love the game Scattergories, here it is!

Use the first letter of your name to answer these categories:

1. Famous Singer/Band: Elvis Presley/the Eagles (ha! I did both)
2. Four letter word: exit
3. Street: Elm Street
4. Color: ecru
5. Gifts/Presents: Easter candy?
6. Vehicle: Edsel
7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: earrings
8. Boy Name: Elliott
9. Girl Name: Esther
10. Movie Title: ET
11. Drink: espresso
12. Occupation: elementary school teacher
13. Celebrity: Eric Estrada (I'm going for double points on alliteration here)


14. Magazine: Elle
15. U.S. City: El Paso
16. Pro Sports Teams: the Eagles
17. Fruit: elderberry
18. Reason for Being Late for Work: ear ache
19. Something You Throw Away: egg shells
20. Things You Shout: Eat me!
21. Cartoon Character: Eeyore

things i love - #31

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

early morning throw-down

First, I want to send a grateful shout-out to all of the wonderful, wonderfully supportive comments I received about the Note. I have cooled down a bit, and am just holding my breath that everything goes smoothly at school this week. There is a parent teacher night this week, so I may just have to go to that and discuss this issue with the teacher. Ugh.

Second, I want to thank my dear boy, Lion, who woke me up today at 7 am even though it is a Sunday morning. We came downstairs so I could make myself a cup of coffee and get him some breakfast and then had a huge fight over the crayons. He wanted to color all of his books, and I wanted him to only color in his coloring books. Some words were exchanged and a struggle ensued. I finally wrestled the stump of a black (of course) crayon from his hand and he screamed. And screamed. Somehow Jonathan and Blue slept through all of this.

girlysmacking herself in da head

We received a note from Blue's preschool teacher today:

We had to change Blue's diaper today. We are not equipped to change diapers at school, please work towards going to the bathroom in the potty. Thank you.*

And I am pretty upset.

To say the least.

I am trying to look at this objectively. I know I tend to overreact. I know this. But.

What does that mean, they are not equipped to change diapers? I put a little bag with a spare diaper and some wipes in her backpack just in case Blue had some kind of situation at school, but she isn't there for a very long period of time, so I didn't think they would really need to use it. But since I provided a diaper, doesn't that mean I equipped them?

(As Jonathan pointed out, it is required by the school that every child bring a change of clothing in case of, we can only assume, potty-training accidents so what is the big deal?)

And no one ever told us, at any point, that our child had to be fully potty trained before attending this school. Not during our tour of the school, not in the information packet they mailed to us. Yes, okay, we missed the Open House last week, but we were out of the state, on vacation. And we had already paid our registration fee and the first month's tuition by then anyway so it would have been a moot point if they mentioned it then.

I am just mostly bothered, I think, by the tone of the letter. Or am I being hypersensitive? I mean, the teacher did say please and thank you.

It's just that this is a verrrrrrryyyy sensitive topic for me. Probably for every parent. I feel very defensive about Blue not being potty trained. She did just turn three two weeks ago. Maybe she is too young for preschool. But I don't want to rush to make such a decision. She seems to enjoy it so far.

It's something I have very little control over. Potty training. The ball is in Blue's court. I can provide the potty and several books on pooping and potty usage and utilize the feel n' learn diapers and promise extravagant rewards for peeing or pooping in the potty, but that's as far as I can take it. And I really don't know if she is ready yet. I mean, she talks about the potty but tonight we tried again (and again and again) and then as soon as I put a feel n' learn diaper on her, she was like, "Mommy, I think I peed." I don't think she realizes what it feels like just before she pees. I just don't think she's ready. And I have wanted to be a supportive, understanding, patient Mommy who knows that she will not go off to college wearing Depends. That she will sort this out when she is ready.

But now I feel all this pressure from the school. Which pisses me off, if I may be perfectly honest. Please work towards going to the bathroom in the potty. What the hell? What parent of a preschooler isn't working towards going to the bathroom in the potty? Isn't that the definition of potty training? Do they think we haven't tried at all yet, or something? Okay, now I am definitely very seriously defensive, but whatever... I am pissed. No pun intended, people.

*the original note was written with a red sharpie, so I typed it in red for the full effect

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e e cummings

things i love - #30

this book

Ocean CIty