25 August 2007

24 August 2007

The Onion

Loft Apartments Converted To Mayonnaise Factory

SEATTLE—A building housing 10 adjoining lofts near Pike Place was purchased to be converted from airy studio apartments into a mayonnaise factory, Best Foods, Inc.

what I am crushing on

I absolutely adore this pottery, people. It is so me. Simple. Black and white. Typography, which I love. And cute little English expressions. Too bad each plate is like a hundred dollars. Aaaarrrrrgggggh.


I have this friend. We'll call her, um ... oh, nevermind ... it's Olivia.

Olivia is so awesome, people. I know that both Adrienne and Katherine have posted odes to Olivia on their blogs, and I'm not trying to steal their thunder, but Olivia rocks. She inspires people to sing her praises.

Like today. I'm sitting there, in my swivelly chair at Avanti, talking to the girl (Stephanie) cutting my hair. Stephanie has just finished this book Olivia loaned her, Eat Pray Love, and she could not stop raving about it. And I was like, I know, right? Just hearing Olivia talk about it, I want to read it too. So our conversation gradually shifted from how awesome the book is to how awesome Olivia herself is.

And I said, "She is so amazing. I mean," (and I raised my voice in case Elisa could hear me) "I'm not knocking my other friends, 'cause I love my other friends too, but there is just something special about her."

And Mary Alice, the owner of Avanti, walks by and says, "You are talking about Olivia, right?"

And I'm like, "Yes!"

And Mary Alice said, "I knew it! She's just so amazing! She was in here the other day, just hanging out, and when she left, it was like the whole energy in the room was different."

And that is such an awesome way to describe Olivia. She has that effect on people. She's like an electric charge. She really brings out the best in people. I can always tell when she is on the phone because Jonathan gets so animated (and usually speaks with an outrrrrrrageous French accent). She's the person I always want everyone to meet. I remember Leila asking me, about some gathering I was having, "Is that funny blond chick going to be there?" and I knew she meant Olivia, even though it had seriously been years since they were introduced. But Olivia is very memorable. I can't wait for Andy to meet her this fall. He is going to love her.

She was talking about her trip to Scotland, and how the people everywhere were so friendly. How everyone would just come over and talk to her. And I thought, She has no idea. It's not the people everywhere she goes who are friendly and outgoing. It's that she is friendly and outgoing and it rubs off on everyone she meets.

happy birthday!

Today is my grandma's birthday. I feel terrible because all day, in the back of my head, I was reminding myself: Call Grandma. Call Grandma. Call Grandma.

Guess what? Right. I didn't call her.

First I was out and about town, pampering myself. Then I returned home and launched into spastic mommy mode, cleaning house and laundering and ironing and packing for our trip. Before I knew it, it was 9 pm, and although my grandparents are night owls, it is just, like, against my religion or something to call anybody after 9 pm unless it is an absolute emergency. Is a birthday an emergency?

I suck.

Grandma, I don't know if you ever venture onto the internet, but here is proof that I was thinking of you today:

21 August 2007

poor me ... poor, poor me

Both babies are sick as well. I have given them both medicine and some juice, and then Lion promptly threw up so I have no idea if any of the medicine is in his system, but giving babies cold medicine is so scary, I am not giving him any more.

The only food we have in the house is leftover party food, most of which is spicy, so I had to throw together this little pasta dish and Lion is on his fourth bowl of it and Blue's on her third, so here's the recipe in case I forget what I did:

Mommy's Bland Little Buttons and Bows

bowtie pasta, boiled in chicken stock

drain the pasta and dump it back into the hot pot

add a little bit of butter and a tablespoon of olive oil
salt and pepper
a moderate sprinkling of parmesan cheese
diced tomatoes (leftover from a Dora fiesta!)
Polly-O string cheese, sliced into skinny "buttons"
sliced olives (again, leftover from a certain birthday bash)

I could really toss almost anything bite-sized into this for some variety, but since the Lion is now on his fifth bowl (pray he doesn't throw up again!) and Blue is on her fourth, I am sticking strictly with this combination from now on!

another milestone

I almost forgot to mention this, but the Lion is 18 months old today. If I knew how, I would play a song for him on here. But I am not so savvy, so I will just post the lyrics here for you to read. It's "Yellow" by Coldplay:

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah, they were all yellow

I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow

so then I took my turn
oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
you know you know I love you so
you know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do

cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow

your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
you know for you I'd bleed myself dry
for you I'd bleed myself dry

it's true, look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine ...

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do

could you keep it down out there?

I am sick. I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon. I thought I have a sinus infection because the pressure in my head is killing me and it is not lessened whatsoever by any of the medications I have tried.

But I guess in order to have a sinus infection, you have to feel this way for over a week. I am suffering from allergies. Which makes me sound like a wuss, I think. Who feels this bad from just allergies? I feel like I have yellow fever or something.

And how on earth am I going to manage the toodlers today without speaking or moving my head?

Sometimes I wish there was a number you could call, like 1-800-Rent-a-Mommy or something. So I could lay in bed with a hot wash cloth over my eyes and she could play with the toodlers and make me something to eat. "Bitch, make me a sandwich!" (I am very crabby when I don't feel well.)

20 August 2007

"party party party"

It's over. The social event of the season.

Now it is 8 am and I am sitting at the table with Lion. He is not feeling well. So I have decided that leftover jello salad is the perfect breakfast. I know because I am not feeling well either, and I had a few spoonfuls. It is nice and cold and just slides right down your sore throat. Nice.

The weather was nice and cool this weekend. So of course we had our windows open on Saturday and through the night so the Lion and I are suffering from horrible allergies. Which did not help my mood on Party Day. I was a bit manic yesterday morning, at one point yelling at Blue to go and play or something, because we are getting ready for your party! The irony was not lost on me.

But we had a very nice turnout. And Blue received some really clever gifts. Probably my favorite gift, and a wonderful idea for a birthday party present, was a pop-up Dora hamper/toybox thing from my brother Chris and his wife Brenda, because we just popped that sucker open and threw all of her gifts into as we opened them. Brilliant!

I think all of the children had a good time. My friend, Sweet Elisa, brought a pinata. And I recruited her early on to do some face painting. And she did such an excellent job, I have to say. More like henna designs than the usual stars or balloons. She did admit she was kind of steering the kids towards easy designs. She'd say, "How about a butterfly? Or a flower?" So it was pretty hilarious when Amy's little girl, Maggie, came over to Elisa for her third design, held out her teeny little arm and said, "I'd like a white tiger."

I cannot believe it's been 3 years...

16 August 2007

two, going-on-thirteen

My niece, Emily, has been coming over during the week to hang out and help me with Blue and the Lion. And it is awesome and I have no idea how I ever got by without her. She comes over before I am awake in the morning, so this morning, for example, she had already gotten Lion up and fed by the time I staggered down stairs. I even get to sit here with my coffee and blog a little while she hangs out with them in the living room. Right now they are all watching "The Lion King." Blue loves that movie. She calls Scar "Scarf."

I cannot believe her birthday party is in three days. We are having a Mexican/Dora fiesta here in the backyard. Blue told me the other day her party is going to be at Chuck E. Cheese's.

Monday I spent forever drawing Boots onto a big piece of graph paper. I am going to use it as a template for her birthday cake. It will look something like this:

(I hope) only much, much bigger and the drawing took me forever. So I was showing it to Blue after it was finally finished, and she immediately got all dejected. And sighed. "I can't want a Boots cake. I want a Dora cake."

She is getting a Boots cake.

life or death

I am so tired this morning. I had this horrible dream last night and now I feel like I didn't get any sleep last night.

Since I became pregnant with the Lion, I have these horrible "Sophie's Choice" kind of dreams. Where I'll be in the car with the toodlers and we have gone crashing down some creepy embankment and now the car is in a lake or something and it is rapidly filling with water and I know I only have time to unfasten one carseat and can only save one child. I never do make a choice, because I always wake up completely freaked out before anything else happens, but jeez...

I remember having a dream like that just after Lion was born and I remember telling Jonathan If that ever happens, I think I would save Blue. Because Lion is only like a week old and wouldn't even know what was going on, but Blue is almost two, and she would be looking at me and screaming, "Mommy!" and can you imagine the look on her little face if I grabbed the baby and left her in the car?! Which probably sounds horrible and if Lion ever reads that one day, he'll be all screwed up and thinking I love his sister more than him. But in my exhausted, postpartum mind it made sense.

Anyway, now I have two cognizant toodlers who I dream about having to rescue from various bizarre life-or-death situations. Last night we were all stuck in some crazy Hollywood-style tornado. But at least Jonathan was there with me last night, so we each grabbed onto one toodler and held on for dear life.

Mediterranean Avenue

Jonny and I are officially in business. We bought our first investment property. That's all I'm going to say about that because it is still very new and verrrry scary.

But I just wanted to add that he wore this polo shirt I bought him for Father's Day to the closing. I bought it for him because I thought it looked like a shirt that a yuppy big-shot investor would wear. And three different people complimented him on his shirt: his mom (who came over to babysit), our realtor and the owner of the title company!

"it says right here it is a dessert wine... "

My darling, my friend, my Olivia brought this to my home the other night. Fabulous. I am (as I have already stated) not a wine connoisseur in any way shape or form, but mmmmmmmm is all I can say. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Torley Fortuna, people. It is a sweet, sparkling Hungarian wine. But I didn't think it was too sweet. Just bubbly and lovely.

Olivia said, "I'm getting a lot of apricot and honey; what about you guys?" I thought, I'm getting a bit of a buzz, does that count? But, yeah, it was definitely sweet.

And it served its purpose. Livi called me before heading over and asked what sort of dessert she should bring, and I was so sick of the noise in the house and the toodler who wouldn't touch her dinner and the toodler who had eaten his dinner but had also smeared his food all over the table and himself... I snarled something into the phone that sounded like, "Just bring something/anything with alcohol in it and bring it NOW!"

14 August 2007

things i love - #29

thank you, Olivia!


dear santa,

Could I please get a bunch of these lovely mugs from Crate & Barrel this year?

I have tried to be good.

things i love - #28

have I mentioned I love coffee?

i heart coffee

Alright. I'm back, with my steaming mug of happiness beside me.

I love coffee.

Have you noticed the little picture of the coffee mug on my blog?

I love coffee.

I never did when I was growing up. Neither one of my parents drinks it. My mom drinks tea every day, so I grew up drinking a lot of tea.

I drank coffee during my brief stint in college out of necessity. Because I never slept. And because my roommates drank it, and if they said "Jump!" I asked "How high?"

Then when I moved back home, I got a job in a coffee bar. And that's when I fell completely in love with coffee. I became a bit of a snob about it, actually. But it was really fun trying to determine the type of different coffees I liked. Sumatra Mandheling - 1 thumb up (and I cannot believe I spelled it correctly!) Kenya AA - 2 thumbs.

But now, I just drink Maxwell House. And I love the instant cappuccino at Wawa.

I still hang onto some of my old snobbery when it comes to espresso drinks. The way people order them, I mean. If you have no idea what you are ordering, do not try to fake it. I know absolutely nothing about wine, so I admit that and I let my friend Olivia choose lovely, appropriate wines to accompany the food I eat. It's just easier that way and much less embarrassing. And it allows her to impress me with her expertise.

But, in order to try to help people along just a little, here are a few basic tips:

  1. Espresso, people, not Express-o
  2. A shot of espresso packs the same punch of caffeine as a mug of coffee. Seriously, people. Look at the size of each cup. So if your latte has one shot of espresso in it, you will be fine. You don't need to freak out and decide to order something else, because "ooooh, if I drink that, I'll be up all night!"
  3. Espresso, people, not Express-o
  4. A latte and a cappuccino of the same size have the same amount of espresso in them. A cappuccino, by definition, has less milk than a latte, but has a layer of milk foam on top. So the cappuccino will taste stronger than the latte, since it is not as diluted.
  5. Espresso, people, not Express-o
Alright, my coffee is kicking in a little. I'll stop bitching. Next post.


I am so tired. I hate getting up in the morning.

My roommate, back in college, used to call me a caveman in the morning. She said I walked like a caveman, hunched over and stomping and that I would just grunt if anyone tried to talk to me.

I think getting up in the morning with the toodlers is the biggest challenge I face as a mother. Which is such an insignificant thing, compared to some of the challenges mothers face every day, but whatever. In my world, getting up every morning and trying to function is a huge challenge, so as Katherine would say, "Suck it, Trebek!"

Coffee's ready. Must go.

07 August 2007

I'm It! I'm It!

Yes! I have finally been tagged by somebody! I finally, finally, at the age of 32, feel like one of the Cool Kids.

Here's the mission I have chosen to accept:

I need to tell you 8 random things you may not know about me.

At the end, I will name some of my fellow bloggers who will then need to list their own 8 things. And then they "tag" other bloggers. This should be tricky because my friends who blog don't know many other bloggers so they may just continue tagging one another ad infinitum...

This is a little hard for me to do because I have already posted my 100 things, so what else could there possibly be about me that no one knows????? But, since I have been so longing to be tagged, I will sincerely try:

1. 10 years ago, I saw a young man get killed. He was punched under the chin and he fell backwards and he hit his head on the street. This man went into a coma and died a few days later. I try not to think about it really but I hate seeing people hit their heads. I am talking about it now because Jonathan and I were sort of talking around it the other night--he was telling me never to watch the movie American History X because he knows I hate scenes in movies where people hit their heads. And ever since that conversation it's been on my mind.

Whew. Sorry to get so heavy there. I'll keep the rest of this post lighter, I promise.

2. I like some really crappy music. But at least I acknowledge that it is crappy and I know I would be embarrassed if anyone caught me rocking out to it. I think it is important to make that distinction.

3. In high school, I was a band geek.

4. When Jonathan isn't home, I sometimes use chopsticks to eat.

5. I saw the movie High School Musical and I really liked it. What? It was cute. And the music is awesome! (Told you--crappy taste in music. And movies, too, apparently.)

6. I love to sing. In the car, in the shower, making dinner... I'm usually singing. When I'm not yelling at the toodlers. Deep down I am a little sad that I am too old for American Idol.

7. I don't really like Yankee Candles. I can never really find a fragrance I like; they are all so strong and cloying. And I get really sick of the smell after burning one for awhile. Well, maybe the vanilla one. That one's okay.

8. I am so excited about Jonathan's best friend, Andy, visiting this fall! I feel a little ridiculous; I mean, he's Jonathan's friend, not mine, after all, but he is so funny and so like Jonathan, and, most importantly, so English.

And now, I tag:

Olivia, Katherine, Adrienne and Roxanna.

06 August 2007


Jonny and I were flipping through the channels the other day and we saw the saddest/scariest thing ever. This show, Beauty and the Geek, was on. We've never watched it before, but the challenge for these particular beauties and geeks was a quiz--and the girls had to answer american history questions while the guys had to answer questions about pop culture.

Anyway, it was freaky how much these girls didn't know about our country. I mean, basic stuff! So this was my favorite moment:

Host: Here is your question: Who was president of the United States during the Civil War?
Beauty: ummmm
Host (repeating helpfully): President of the United States during the Civil War...
Beauty: Hoover?
Host: Nooooo. The President of the United States during the Civil War was Abraham Lincoln.
Beauty: Ohhhh, right. D-Day...

01 August 2007

biggest clay aiken fan ever

naughty little lion

The Lion just threw my wallet in the toilet.

Just thought the world should know the abuse I suffer at the hands of the toodlers.

Orgasmic Mac'n'Cheese

Most of these amounts are estimates, since I was in a big hurry (yeah, I know I was still 45 minutes late, but whatever...) and just threw everything into the casserole dish without really measuring, but with these ingredients you really cannot screw this up. I think Paula Deen would be proud.

1 box of macaroni noodles, cooked and drained
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 can Campbell's condensed cheddar cheese soup
8 ounces sour cream
salt and pepper to taste
extra cheese for topping

Pour the hot macaroni into a large casserole dish and dump in a package of shredded cheddar cheese. Stir until cheese is melted.

Add the can of soup, 1 canful of milk, 1/2 stick of butter sliced into little pieces, and then the sour cream, stirring well after each addition. Add a bunch of salt and pepper. I think I added extra milk--just add enough for your own desired consistency.

Top with more shredded cheese. I used Fiesta Blend cheese, because that's all I had left in the fridge after using the whole bag of cheddar!

Bake, uncovered at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes--or til it's bubbling.


laugh if you love Jesus

So I watched the movie "Saved" the other night with Jonny and Olivia, and I thought it was pretty funny. And it has inspired me to post this little collection of terrible, but also terribly funny gift ideas for the bible beaters on your Christmas list.

1. the Moses Action Figure

2. The St. Sebastian pincushion

I saw this pincushion online and I think it is hilarious. If I were more daring, I would buy one for my stepmother, Judi. She sews amazingly (I was going to say she is an amazing sewer--but is that right? That looks like sewer, as in "a waste pipe that carries away sewage or surface water" to me.) and she loves studying the bible. Anyhoo, I thought this was awfully funny.

3. the holy toast

I sent this link to my good (Catholic) friend, Shannon, a few months ago because I thought she would appreciate it. If you're tired of waiting for a real miracle, you can use this little contraption to create a slice of toast with the Virgin Mary's image on it. Yum.

4. the Last Supper lunch box

5. the Christian equivalent of a Magic 8 Ball
This little Jesus will literally answer your prayers:

6. Wash Away Your Sins Soap

7. And for the Catholics, the Pope on a Rope

8. And, lastly, my favorite, After the Rapture Breath Mints

The slogan on the little box reads "for those of us who aren't going anywhere." Awesome!